UNDERCOVER EXPAT: Renegade Province Edition - MOS Burger

McDonalds has managed to accomplish in the Pacific Theatre (and globally for that matter) what Gengis Kahn, Alexander the Great and Hirohito all failed to achieve. Complete and Unequivocal  Domination.  And while KFC and Pizza Hut tail closely behind in runner-up and second runner-up positions in most asian territories, not so in Japan. In the land of the rising sun and amidst the sea of pounded, battered and deep fried chicken cutlet sandwiches (generally more popular than the traditional beef burger in asian markets), a "small" yet dedicated contender claims silver: MOS BURGER.  

 Founded in 1972, Mos Burger offers an errr unique take on a burger. While they offer traditional beef burgers on a bread bun (boring), they are probably best known for their Rice Burgers. They've basically taken a hashbrown, added shrimp and then sandwiched the fritter between two "slices" of toasted sticky rice. Kaki-Age sandwiched between two Yaki-Onigiri for those well versed in 和食。  

Its weird, crunchy yet soft and pretty tasty. The minimalist packaging is also actually quite easy on the eyes. One other curve ball is that the "set meal" came with what I assumed were either more hashbrown rounds, weird steak fries, sweet potato wedges, or taro discs. I was wrong on all accounts, as the golden oval discs were actually chicken nuggets. The same kind served in elementary school cafeterias. Your rice burger comes with a side of nostalgic affective memory.


*The next post WILL NOT be about food. Its actually going to be about Jurassic Park and Luxury Resorts. Together.     

UNDERCOVER EXPAT: Summer Essentials 2012 Beijing Edition

 This Summer's must have accoutrement? Why personal sized mini Ice Tongs of course. Now this is "Civilized" Beijing. 

And Yang Mei, better known (and more importantly, trademarked) as YUMBERRIES. Seriously.
Good out of hand, or reduced with a bit of sugar and topped with basil or mint. Mind the pit. It's a drupe.  ;)  Now where is that Cinnamon ice cream.....

UNDERCOVER EXPAT: Nothing But Time

  

So within a stone's throw of Wudaokou, there lies an amazing Taiwanese import in the form of an upscale artisanal dessert/milk tea shop called Meet Fresh. They specialize in Taro and Sweet Potato mochi balls / Milk Tea / Shaved Ice. In short, its amazing and delicious. Now before you scoff and question the deliciousness of the concoction before you, know that it was with great effort that this drink even came into being. You're allowed to customize your drinks/dessert with the caveat that you know HOW to order what you want. 

The following conversation happened entirely and exclusively in Mandarin Chinese. 

MF EMPLOYEE: Welcome to Meet Fresh! 

ME: Hello

 (hmm she's unusually chipper) 

MF EMPLOYEE: Would you like to eat here or take out? 

ME: Take out please. 

MF EMPLOYEE: What would you like? 

ME: I don't mean to be a pain, but can I customize a drink? 

MF EMPLOYEE: Of course! If we have it you can add it! 

ME: (oh wow, really? and she's still really excited...that doesn't happen often) 

 I would like a green tea without milk or sugar. 

MF EMPLOYEE: No problem. A green tea sans milk and sugar. 

ME: Lets add tapioca pearls to that. 

MF EMPLOYEE: Adding tapioca pearls. 

ME: Lets add the mini artisinal taro mochi thingys. 

MF EMPLOYEE: Adding the mini artisinal taro and sweet potato mochi. 

ME: And lets add some flan/pudding to this as well. 

MF EMPLOYEE: We can't do that. 

ME: Huh? 

MF EMPLOYEE: We can't do that.  

ME: Do you not have the pudding? 

MF EMPLOYEE: We have the pudding. 

ME: So, i'd like to add the pudding. 

MF EMPLOYEE: We can't add the pudding. 

ME: But you said if you had it, we could add it. 

(and said with a lot of enthusiasm) 

MF EMPLOYEE: We can't add the pudding. 

ME: Why? 

MF EMPLOYEE: No. 

ME: I can pay more if there is a price difference. I want to add the pudding. 

(And now I'm starting to REALLY want the pudding since I can't have it)

MF EMPLOYEE: We don't sell it that way.

ME:  So I can't have a Green Tea with Tapioca Pearls, Mochi and Pudding. 

MF EMPLOYEE: Correct.

ME: Mmmmm.

(Hmph. So this is how we're going to have the do this huh? Fine. I'm going to get what I want, We can do this all day long lady. I've got nothing but time.) 

ME: Okay, lets start over. What if I ordered a pudding. 

MF EMPLOYEE:  One pudding it is. 

ME: Can we add taro mochi?  

MF EMPLOYEE: We should order the Taro Mochi with Pudding then. 

ME: Sure. Can we add Tapioca pearls to that? 

MF EMPLOYEE: Yes. 

ME: (Three for three.) Okay, now instead of the brown sugar simple syrup that you add to the pudding, can we add green tea? 

MF EMPLOYEE: Mmmmmm let me ask. 

ME: (please please please please please for the love of god let it be yes)

MF EMPLOYEE: Yes.

ME: OKAY!!!  So lets get a Taro Mochi with Pudding with Tapioca Pearls and iced green tea without milk or sugar! 

MF EMPLOYEE: That'll be 24RMB. 

**So the lesson to this story is that you CANNOT order : Green Tea with Taro Mochi, Tapioca Pearls and Pudding. But you CAN order : Taro Mochi with Pudding, Tapioca Pearls and Green Tea.  Are you still with me?**

Nothing but time.

UNDERCOVER EXPAT: Silencio

  

1.3 Billion people where?  A rare sighting indeed here in Beijing. 

UNDERCOVER EXPAT: Art Beijing 2012

So, Beijing has a lot of art.

Traditionally, they've separated the art fairs and did a Fine Art Fair and then a Contemporary Art Fair. Well, that all changed this year as they joined forces with Mercedes Benz and Hermes to bring us one big combined art fair called, appropriately, ART BEIJING 2012.

The art itself was mostly very very commercial as this was seemingly catered more towards hotels, businesses, etc who needed really big pieces for lobbies, atriums, etc, so I won't comment much about the art itself. However, I will comment about the spectacle that was Art Beijing 2012 on preview night.

Lovely invite, good card stock. 

This was the 2nd security check point to get in, and we started to wonder "what do they have in there to justify and prompt this much security?"

AND as soon as we walked in, we were greeted with this: A ginormous Hermes Kelly Bag. And yes, people are not only falling in line to take a picture with it, but also to WALK INTO it.

Naturally, we wanted a closer look of course. 

And post Art Beijing 2012, we were starving, and in line with the spectacle that was Art Beijing we went to the Willy Wonka of dumpling shops and had technicolor dumplings for dinner. It just seemed appropriate.

Another wonderfully bizarre night in Beijing.

UNDERCOVER EXPAT: Cinco De Mayo Estilo Chino

So Cinco De Mayo is sort of a big deal for me. We can thank the Texas Board of Education for ingraining this holiday into my childhood, as starting from Kindergarten all the way through middle school, we would actually dedicate an entire day to Mexican Heritage, culture, history, food and Baile Folklorico.  #completely serious. 

So, how does one celebrate the 5th of May in Beijing?  With a Mexican / Tex-Mex pot luck of course. After doing a little bit of research and giving myself a bit of a reality check re- ingredients that are available to me here in Beijing, I settled upon Spinach Enchiladas as my contribution. Pretty straightforward: Spinach, Cheese, Tortillas, Green Chilies, Salt, Pepper and Cream. Did i mention cream? Lots and lots of Cream. Not summer six pack friendly. But absolutely delicious.

UNDERCOVER EXPAT: OREO - China's Favorite Cookie. Seriously.

     

 This post is dedicated to my friend K-Balls. And obviously to Oreo's 100th birthday.

 For arguments sake, K-Balls' favorite cookie is the Oreo. Kraft/Nabisco has also branded it as America's favorite cookie. Well move aside K-Balls and America, Its CHINA's Favorite cookie, and with a population of over a billion people, its China for the win. 

Now, the Chinese (and Kraft for that matter) don't take this moniker lightly. Their Oreo game is beyond on point, with many other seemingly un-related products spawned from the humble chocolate and god only knows what flavor it actually is, white icing sandwich cookie. 

Obviously, the Centennial cookie flavor was heavily promoted here (birthday cake icing flavor with funfetti) and I would be lying if I said that i didn't have a few boxes of these special edition munchies stashed away in my room. ....

But the massive footprint of OREO is best seen in its bevy of products available to the Chinese market. Behold, this is the selection of Oreo products that take up one side of an entire aisle at the supermarket. 

Mango and Orange dual flavored Oreos; Green Tea Cheesecake and Peach flavored Oreos; Vanilla Ice Cream flavored oreos, Green Tea Ice Cream flavored oreos; Original Oreos, Cookies and Creme Oreos; Strawberries and Creme Oreos; Chocolate Oreos; Birthday Cake Oreos. All available in convenient single serving boxes, packs or family packs.

 And should get bored of the Oreo in its pedestrian sandwich cookie form, fear not, fret not, because you can also get it in Wafer Form as well as Cookie Straw Form. And your options don't end there, you can continue to customize by either choosing said wafer or cookie straw in "plain" or drizzed/dipped in additional chocolate/ganache/god only knows what.

 And of course, who could forget the Blueberry/Raspberry combination.

   K-Balls, the Oreo's alone are worth a visit. Have you bought your ticket yet?

UNDERCOVER EXPAT: Weekend Libation Report

Lillet De Violette-Cucumber and Rose infused Gin, Creme De Violette, Lillet, and a twist of lime.

Fragrant and delicious with a splash of bitter.  My favorite combination. 

UNDERCOVER EXPAT: Asian American - As Defined by Me.

UNDERCOVER EXPAT: 798, 419, 143... i love love love love you.

Okay, so like Liam Neeson's recent movies, Goldfish crackers and peanut butter, sometimes, things created for the masses just satisfy in the most gratifying way. No explanation needed.

This is how I feel about Beijing's 798 Arts District. No longer a a down and dirty, eclectic, scrappy enclave for up and coming artists, Its become more of a tourist attraction and dare I say "Trap". Yet, its managed to still retain its charm somehow. *Elle China agrees as they just thew a HUGE fashion show and party with mercedes benz last week.

While uber commercialized and teeming with tchotchke curio shops, I couldn't help but really really enjoy the outdoor public spaces.

*To not completely discredit the area entirely, there are still many galleries that curate wonderful exhibitions, UCCA probably being one of the largest and totally on par with MOCA.

UNDERCOVER EXPAT: Uniqlo Non Sequitur

This is why I love Uniqlo.

Yesterday: April 14th, 2012 / 2:15pm

Uniqlo Employee: So here are your tee shirts, your reciept, your credit card, are you sure you want a medium? And these aren't returnable.

Me: What isn't returnable?

Uniqlo Employee: NEXT!

Me: Wait, the t-shirts aren't returnable? I'm pretty sure i'm a medium here in asia and..... you're not listening to me at all. oh well.


Today: April 15th, 2012 / 2:15pm

Me: Hi, I bought these yesterday, they're all mediums and apparently I need a large, I think I was told they aren't returnable, I'm pretty sure that's what the guy helping me was referencing but he was speaking really fast and I find myself constantly distracted here and didn't quite hear, is there anything we can do about this?

Uniqlo Employee: Um. Sorry but these aren't returnable and a medium really should be okay on you.

Me: ah, okay, so he did say that, you should tell him not to mumble so much, and I KNOW, you'd think a medium would be more than fine on me, but its really tight and not flattering. Trust me, it took a lot for me to come in and admit that I need a large. So... can I exchange these for a bigger size?

Uniqlo Employee: Sorry, these are special, you can't return these.

Me: Yes, I understand I can't return these, but can I Exchange them? Wait, why are these special?

Uniqlo Employee: Mmmm... let me call a manager.

Me: Why are these special? In what way? Hey, come back.

Uniqlo Manager: Hi, oh, you want to exchange these? For a bigger size? Sure.

Me: Really?

Uniqlo Manager: Sure, but you should probably buy that other style, they're less form fitting. Lets see, four of these tee shirts = 5 of those. Go for it. And buy a medium.

Me: Ah fantastic, I am a medium! But why were the first ones special?

Uniqlo Manager: You can find the other style around the corner by the graphic tee shirts. Just bring the ones you want back and they'll ring you up. (briskly walks away)

Me: Special....? What if I want the special ones? Oh well. Thanks!

*Take that "No Return" policy!

UNDERCOVER EXPAT: 北京 の 花見

The title of last friday's lesson in my textbook was: 春天到了! Appropriately translated into, Spring has arrived. While i'm coming to find that spring in Beijing equates to mad dust storms and a crazy pollen count, the number of blue sky days have been numerous and immensely enjoyable. After expressing that we wanted to spend more time outside, my friend's Chinese language partner told us to meet her at 8:30AM on Saturday morning for a surprise. I was thinking that's really almost too early for a surprise, but sure, i'm committed, especially if it involves being outside on a blue sky day. Please note that my friend's Chinese language partner is a lovely Chinese young lady from Hanzou who speaks nearly perfect Italian, goes by Carlotta, and doesn't speak much English. Awesome. Buongiorno! I go by Gabriel and my italian is non-existent.

Carlotta more than delivered on her promise of a surprise, because we arrived at a beautiful and rather large park, where there was already a long line formed to buy tickets for.... Sakura flower viewing!

Yes i understand that they are just cherry blossoms, but its so much deeper than that. Its actually quite luxurious because A) one needs cherry blossoms, lots and lots and lots of them. B) one needs to have the time to literally do nothing but wander and look at/appreciate the flowers. C) you bring a picnic and then EAT and do nothing but stare at the flowers. Thats the extent of your multi-tasking. BAM.

Look how BLUE the sky is!!!!

Looks a little bit like Central Park.....and note the girl with the insanely glossy hair blowing bubbles. It seemed that every vendor in the park sold cat ear head bands and bubbles. Bubbles everywhere all morning long, it was all very willy wonka-ish.


BLUE SKY!


And then there was randomly this very communist looking statue thing in the middle of the park. Oh Mao.

UNDERCOVER EXPAT: Reason #2,587 to not fly on an American carrier.

As a child, I adored commercial airplanes and flying. As an adult, I love food and kitchen/eating accoutrements. So... a history of loving commercial aviation + food and ornate eating accessories = I love airplane food. Sort of. Actually no, not really, not at all. HOWEVER, while its no secret that service and food on Asian airline carriers have consistently remained superior, compared to those on American carriers, my "snack" on the second leg of my flight on Japan Airlines was dare I say, beautiful and quite tasty. No easy feat at 30,000 feet in ECONOMY. Hooray for civilized flying!

*keep in mind that JAL filed for bankruptcy in 2010. American Airlines, start taking notes. Immediately.

Flight Attendant: Would you like a snack?
Me: Oh, sure.
Flight Attendant: Here is your bento, your miso soup, your green tea, your red wine, your packet of warm rice, and your ice cream.
Me: Ice cream?
Flight Attendant: Would you like some rice crackers?
Me: Uhhh, I don't think I have any more room on my tray.


From Left to Right, Top to Bottom: Packet of mushroom rice wrapped in paper, Grilled saba, Tsukune meatball, Yuba tofu with flying fish roe, Okra with simmered vegetables, Simmed Daikon radish, Deep fried tofu with egg and kamaboko, Picked Nozawana and some potato/tuna salad thingy. And of course the ice cream.

Friends who plan to visit, do yourself a favor and fly on either: JAL, ANA, Korean Airlines, Asiana or Cathay Pacific. The lay-over is worth it.

UNDERCOVER EXPAT

I look like them, I talk like them (sort of) but alas, due to the great Pacific Ocean, the Cultural Revolution, and my penchant for peanut butter, i'm not quite exactly like them. From hence forth, all posts will be originating from the middle kingdom and tagged "Undercover Expat" unless noted otherwise. So here is Modern China (Beijing at least) through my eyes.